An open letter, written by

[Lazie]

Sickko .. or is it Jangle, or is it Westman, or is it T.K.? It nuh matter ..

Dear Sir Alex Ferguson…
(I’m hoping that you run a Google search on you name and come across this letter).
Thank you for this wonderful 2006/2007 season of football that you made possible for so many of us. Many people wrote this team off in the beginning of this season. Yet, You Believed! Your belief made the team achieve the most impossible and un-thinkable. You brought back pride to Old Trafford once again. I now once again enter bars proudly with my AIG replica shirt (not that I were ever really ashamed, I now just walk a bit more proud). Thank you!
Our team had their highs and lows this season…
With our “highs”, it showed just what a great manager and tactician you are. Our good start to the season, our thrashing of Italian opposition, beating of Liverpool (TWICE!!) and most importantly, our Champions trophy are just a few of these highlights. These are admittedly mostly thanks to you.
In fairness, we should therefore assign the “lows” to you as well…our continuous crumbling against “great” opposition, our lackluster performances during games that really mattered (Milan and Chelsea). I understand that the EPL was the main priority this season. But, by getting so far in the other cup competitions, I have to admit that it is very disappointing to see the manner by which we got beaten. Perhaps we could have gone out with our heads held high and playing more attack-minded during these games…(I cannot remember the last time cup final that United played not to win, but to draw…it hurts). After beating Roma in fantastic fashion, with the entire world now looking at us, we went and played defensively against Milan. Now this is real humiliation.
For next season, can you please not show the other teams the amount of respect that you showed Milan, Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal? We are the champions, not them… That kind of respect instills fear into our team and kills off our game. When the team is firing, we play the most beautiful football in the world. No other team can come close to matching this.
Sometimes it is something like “poetry in motion”… And even better, we win these games (which is more than what I can say of Arsenal’s supposedly beautiful game… talking of which, as a manager, can you perhaps tell me what is so beautiful about their game? I’ve been watching a few of their games recently and just don’t get what the fuss is about?). I know we cannot play every game like that, but that is what we love to see.
Now that the transfer frenzy is upon us again, I believe that you will do what is best for the team. I know that there is no way anyone can persuade you to let go of the team’s 451/433 formation. Your persistence with it – even during our most torrid displays – is enough prove of that. It appears that this is now the future of our club’s playing style. I guess we have now seen the last of our “flying wingers”?
The way I see it, I believe that it can work out. But, in my opinion, for this formation to work, we will need the proper players. For starters, we need 3 forwards that can rotate well. We already have Rooney and Ronaldo. I think we need to add one more Rooney or Ronaldo. Perhaps Tevez and/or Robben? Should you add a good midfield “anchorman” in the mould of Makalele – perhaps this is where Owen Hargreaves fits in – then I believe our team will be set for this. No need to tinker with our defence.
I know this is a real headache for you because, apart from attaining the services of “proven” players for this new formation to work, you also need to blood youngsters for United. One player that immediately pops to mind is Rossi. How on earth are you going to do this? I really do not envy you.
I hope you have a lovely holiday – you certainly deserve it – and trust that we will see some fantastic football by Manchester United next season.
Yours truly
“Just an average, thankful, Manchester United fan”.

[Karl]

Your letter is gooooooood!
...big up yuh team...YES!

...just one sour point, your shot at the GUNNERS!

The GUNNERS are impatiently

nex season, baaassss!

[Sir X]

LOL... Champion League nuh play yet , all eyes on Me (liverpool), now i know why Fergie suh red eye, The C.L overshadows the Prem , F.A cup etc .

We will be celebrating in the streets to close the Football season.

[Peter R]

Sir Alex's reply which I've forwarded.

Dear Lazie,

We here at Manchester Uunited cannot say how grateful we are to have fans like you, who have doggedly, blindly even slavishly followed our team which really (since we are both friends I can be frank with you) has played waaay above their capabilities. Miracles do happen. We want to really “big up” (I spent a “likkle “ time watching Fuller play and some of your Jamaican expressions rubbed off on me (I won’t be buying him by the way)) you Man U fans; really you are all decent folks except when you all file into Old Trafford; what a transformation… decent folks morph into a seething mass of rabid humanity…if George Bush could bottle that he could get rid of them Iraqui terrorists overnight…but sheesh…even I am disgusted sometimes by the behavior and I come from Scotland. Can you imagine?!?
Anyway with a look forward to next year , yes we have to make some changes. We’re hoping that Ronaldo’s swelling (his head) comes down by August otherwise he (and Rooney too) wouldn’t be able to enter the dressing room without hurting themselves. Can you believe that Ronaldo thinks he’s as good as Maradona? Or Pele? What a frippin’ ego! Anyway, that is where Rooney outdoes Ronaldo, (ego that is)… a man can’t even look at him twice before he gets “vex”. You wouldn’t believe the energy I have to spend to keep him in check, especially when we go drinking (and that’s at least twice a day). I think his mum must have dropped him on his head when he was a wee bairn.
By the way Ronaldo is practising with the Portuguese diving team just in case the swelling of the head persists. I think that’s a good option for him. Rooney is thinking about bull fighting as a post football career, no, not the dance type foolishness you see in Spain; he would be going to George Bush country where he can tackle them head on. Wayne is a big Bush (W) fan…I tell him he has to be careful not to get Gored in Texas, in the event he ever makes that move.
As for some of my other players here are a few comments:
Giggs… that’s all he’s good for now ; ever heard the expression “spinning top in mud”? I’ve told him Jamaican guava wood makes good gigs if he’s looking for a post football career. Can’t wait to see the back of him.
Scholes… like Giggs a washed up has been. I suggested he go to America, play for an MLS team or he could try baseball, chew Skoal (haha), and make a little more money for his nest egg.
Neville. ..Well, I neville (never will) want to see him on my pitch again. Go to America.
Carrick… Luckily I have dumb Americans for bosses…they still think I spent 18.6 million US DOLLARS for him. They still think the “£” sign is a fancy “L”…hahaha. When I think of it..what a colossal waste!!
Saha… Just let’s say he’ll never be a Drogba; if only I could get my hands on the latter, but that little pompous $hytehead over at Chelski won’t let him go.
Van der Sar…. Methinks he’s had a Heineken or two too many; goalkeeping isn’t simply sticking a finger in a dike; playing like a drunken sailor too often.
O’Shea…O’$hyte!
Wes Brown… When I think of him I immediately remember my High School verb conjugation.. Is Brown, WAS Brown, Has Been Brown .
Silvestre… tarnished..what else can I say.
Ferdinand… A legend in his own mind.
And of course I could go on. The truth is we have been very lucky, extremely lucky, supremely lucky to be where we are, especially with all the “buck up” (another expression I picked up) goals we scored in the last minute of play.
Anyway, I have to run; I have a meeting with an Obeah man; it’s never too soon to start planning for next year.
Your in Football,
Just a simple average Football manager
Sir Alex

[Karl]

Sir Alex's reply which I've forwarded.

Dear Lazie,

We here at Manchester Uunited cannot say how grateful we are to have fans like you, who have doggedly, blindly even slavishly followed our team which really (since we are both friends I can be frank with you) has played waaay above their capabilities. Miracles do happen. We want to really “big up” (I spent a “likkle “ time watching Fuller play and some of your Jamaican expressions rubbed off on me (I won’t be buying him by the way)) you Man U fans; really you are all decent folks except when you all file into Old Trafford; what a transformation… decent folks morph into a seething mass of rabid humanity…if George Bush could bottle that he could get rid of them Iraqui terrorists overnight…but sheesh…even I am disgusted sometimes by the behavior and I come from Scotland. Can you imagine?!?
Anyway with a look forward to next year , yes we have to make some changes. We’re hoping that Ronaldo’s swelling (his head) comes down by August otherwise he (and Rooney too) wouldn’t be able to enter the dressing room without hurting themselves. Can you believe that Ronaldo thinks he’s as good as Maradona? Or Pele? What a frippin’ ego! Anyway, that is where Rooney outdoes Ronaldo, (ego that is)… a man can’t even look at him twice before he gets “vex”. You wouldn’t believe the energy I have to spend to keep him in check, especially when we go drinking (and that’s at least twice a day). I think his mum must have dropped him on his head when he was a wee bairn.
By the way Ronaldo is practising with the Portuguese diving team just in case the swelling of the head persists. I think that’s a good option for him. Rooney is thinking about bull fighting as a post football career, no, not the dance type foolishness you see in Spain; he would be going to George Bush country where he can tackle them head on. Wayne is a big Bush (W) fan…I tell him he has to be careful not to get Gored in Texas, in the event he ever makes that move.
As for some of my other players here are a few comments:
Giggs… that’s all he’s good for now ; ever heard the expression “spinning top in mud”? I’ve told him Jamaican guava wood makes good gigs if he’s looking for a post football career. Can’t wait to see the back of him.
Scholes… like Giggs a washed up has been. I suggested he go to America, play for an MLS team or he could try baseball, chew Skoal (haha), and make a little more money for his nest egg.
Neville. ..Well, I neville (never will) want to see him on my pitch again. Go to America.
Carrick… Luckily I have dumb Americans for bosses…they still think I spent 18.6 million US DOLLARS for him. They still think the “£” sign is a fancy “L”…hahaha. When I think of it..what a colossal waste!!
Saha… Just let’s say he’ll never be a Drogba; if only I could get my hands on the latter, but that little pompous $hytehead over at Chelski won’t let him go.
Van der Sar…. Methinks he’s had a Heineken or two too many; goalkeeping isn’t simply sticking a finger in a dike; playing like a drunken sailor too often.
O’Shea…O’$hyte!
Wes Brown… When I think of him I immediately remember my High School verb conjugation.. Is Brown, WAS Brown, Has Been Brown .
Silvestre… tarnished..what else can I say.
Ferdinand… A legend in his own mind.
And of course I could go on. The truth is we have been very lucky, extremely lucky, supremely lucky to be where we are, especially with all the “buck up” (another expression I picked up) goals we scored in the last minute of play.
Anyway, I have to run; I have a meeting with an Obeah man; it’s never too soon to start planning for next year.
Your in Football,
Just a simple average Football manager
Sir Alex

Good one, sah!

[Lazie]

Really funny! Peter, where you found this? Must be written by a Livafool hayta!

[Jangle]

Sir Alex's reply which I've forwarded.

Dear Lazie,

We here at Manchester Uunited cannot say how grateful we are to have fans like you, who have doggedly, blindly even slavishly followed our team which really (since we are both friends I can be frank with you) has played waaay above their capabilities. Miracles do happen. We want to really “big up” (I spent a “likkle “ time watching Fuller play and some of your Jamaican expressions rubbed off on me (I won’t be buying him by the way)) you Man U fans; really you are all decent folks except when you all file into Old Trafford; what a transformation… decent folks morph into a seething mass of rabid humanity…if George Bush could bottle that he could get rid of them Iraqui terrorists overnight…but sheesh…even I am disgusted sometimes by the behavior and I come from Scotland. Can you imagine?!?
Anyway with a look forward to next year , yes we have to make some changes. We’re hoping that Ronaldo’s swelling (his head) comes down by August otherwise he (and Rooney too) wouldn’t be able to enter the dressing room without hurting themselves. Can you believe that Ronaldo thinks he’s as good as Maradona? Or Pele? What a frippin’ ego! Anyway, that is where Rooney outdoes Ronaldo, (ego that is)… a man can’t even look at him twice before he gets “vex”. You wouldn’t believe the energy I have to spend to keep him in check, especially when we go drinking (and that’s at least twice a day). I think his mum must have dropped him on his head when he was a wee bairn.
By the way Ronaldo is practising with the Portuguese diving team just in case the swelling of the head persists. I think that’s a good option for him. Rooney is thinking about bull fighting as a post football career, no, not the dance type foolishness you see in Spain; he would be going to George Bush country where he can tackle them head on. Wayne is a big Bush (W) fan…I tell him he has to be careful not to get Gored in Texas, in the event he ever makes that move.
As for some of my other players here are a few comments:
Giggs… that’s all he’s good for now ; ever heard the expression “spinning top in mud”? I’ve told him Jamaican guava wood makes good gigs if he’s looking for a post football career. Can’t wait to see the back of him.
Scholes… like Giggs a washed up has been. I suggested he go to America, play for an MLS team or he could try baseball, chew Skoal (haha), and make a little more money for his nest egg.
Neville. ..Well, I neville (never will) want to see him on my pitch again. Go to America.
Carrick… Luckily I have dumb Americans for bosses…they still think I spent 18.6 million US DOLLARS for him. They still think the “£” sign is a fancy “L”…hahaha. When I think of it..what a colossal waste!!
Saha… Just let’s say he’ll never be a Drogba; if only I could get my hands on the latter, but that little pompous $hytehead over at Chelski won’t let him go.
Van der Sar…. Methinks he’s had a Heineken or two too many; goalkeeping isn’t simply sticking a finger in a dike; playing like a drunken sailor too often.
O’Shea…O’$hyte!
Wes Brown… When I think of him I immediately remember my High School verb conjugation.. Is Brown, WAS Brown, Has Been Brown .
Silvestre… tarnished..what else can I say.
Ferdinand… A legend in his own mind.
And of course I could go on. The truth is we have been very lucky, extremely lucky, supremely lucky to be where we are, especially with all the “buck up” (another expression I picked up) goals we scored in the last minute of play.
Anyway, I have to run; I have a meeting with an Obeah man; it’s never too soon to start planning for next year.
Your in Football,
Just a simple average Football manager
Sir Alex

PeteR, you've got to tell me which comedy club you're performing. I want to be there when the audience boo you for your attempts at being funny. I can bet you any money that green is your favourite colour.

Mr. President, we naw go follow up every hargument from de hayters dem.

[Peter R]

The truth is, believe it or not, I find myself with too much time on my hands.

The other "reluctant" truth is that Man U deserve everything they have achieved this year... envy is a wicked ting.

I believe that Giggs Scholes and Neville are past their best and Sir Alex has to look at replacing them. And as you rightly point out, another forward is needed.

Anyway, Liverpool is set to capture the BIGGEST prize in Football a (besides the WC) this evening.

pr

[Lazie]

You actually wrote it? Damn .. as yuh say, " I find myself with too much time on my hands."

Dem past dem best? And still a play suh? Giggs better than all Liverpool wingers, no Liverpool right back can walk in Neville's shoe and Scholes in a class by himself.